My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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