how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Randomize
