Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
