I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
