And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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