i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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