My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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