I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
