maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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