Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
