I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
