trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
