no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
