talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Apparently Iām a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
