STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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