i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
