M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
