Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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