if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
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Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
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Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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