i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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