He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
