ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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