i need an iv and a liver transplant
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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