Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
