Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
