1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
