Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
