I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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