I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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