He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
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We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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