sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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