so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
