Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
