Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
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