yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
that's an acceptable place to lick
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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