A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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