When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
