isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
