i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
