So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
