If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
