my mouth tastes like poor choices
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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