I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
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she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
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I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.