All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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