If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
