I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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