It's just like the Real World with babies
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
