I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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