note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
