Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
it's great music for shaving your balls
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
