You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize