He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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