And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
